State of the Drunk

I kind of hate hats. Not all hats, mind you, but most hats. Caps, for instance, never cover enough of the head, and most brimmed hats cover to much of the head. The head, being one of the most prominent features of a human being shouldn't be cover. I believe the head should be celebrated.

Certain head-borne elements are excellent, and women seem to get it right in the field of head adornment. Tiaras, for instance, may as well be hats. But the way a tiara points in the center and then draws the eyes out and around the head is a beautiful display of headsmanship. Also, necklaces. A simple glint of metal adorned around the neck draws eyes toward the head and neck region.

Necks are elegant as well, protruding symmetrically from the chest, elevating the head to its headly status. The neck is the epicenter for most of the brain's impulse, though the face has to be responsible for more than half of them.

Which only brings me back to how elegant encephalization really is. The musculature of the face is such that it can convey emotion millions of times better than the rest of the body. The face can, in a simple shift of muscle spasm, convey sadness, happiness, grief, anger, fear, and dullness. We are our face.

The key to becoming a world-class human being is mastery of the body, however. Anyone Can create emotion through the face, the ability is bred into us. When we're sad we instinctively frown or grimace. We can change the way we support ourselves in a multitude of ways though, and that is what makes body mastery so special. We are our faces, but through our bodies we can be so much more expressive.

Most people are ashamed of their bodies (at least here in the fattest country in the US (I just drank five beers(shut the fuck up))). Bodies are nothing to be ashamed of, as no one else on Earth can emulate the things your body can do. Your body is not a temple, it is whatever you make it out to be. So I suppose it could be a temple, but that is beyond the point. Nobody else has your ass, or your neck, or you stomach.

Make the most of them! Make them emote things better than others can! Express your superiority! If you don't do it now then tomorrow your ass will be dry, wrinkly, and all in all yucky. Make the most of that firm supple ass while it exists here, in the present.

Enjoying life is one of the principles of being happy, so you may as well enjoy yourself first and foremost. Once you, do you can enjoy somebody else.

Long story short: I'm drunk and horny.

Transcribing the Devils Dictionary: Abasement - Ability

Abasement, n. A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth or power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing and employer.

Abatis, n. Rubbish in front of a fort to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside.

Abdication, n. An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of the throne.

Poor Isabella's dead, whose abdication
Set all tongues wagging in the Spanish nation.
For that performance 'twere unfair to scold her
She wisely left a throne to hot to hold her.
To History she'll be no royal riddle--
Merely the plain parched pea that jumped the griddle.
G.J.

Abdomen, n. The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship, with sacrificial right, all true men engage. From women this ancient faith commands but a stammering assent. They sometimes minister at the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverence for the one deity that men really adore they know not. If woman had a free hand in the world's marketing the race would become graminivorous.

Ability, n. The natural equipment to acccomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Perhaps, however, this impressive quality is rightly appraised; it is no easy task to be solemn.

Bierce, Ambrose. The Devil's Dictionary.
New York: Dover Publications, Inc.:
1993.

Story Time: The End of Innocence/Humanity

How many people does it take to change a light bulb? First you must wonder how many people it takes to create a light bulb.

You've got the glass outside, which takes some degree of skill to blow. In this day and age, I'm sure a machine has been taught to blow the glass, but that only makes it easier for machine to ultimately take over if they can lord over our light.

Filaments are also key in making a light bulb, but they're little more than a few wires twisted around. At least, as far as I can tell they are.

As I recall, I used to make people out of pipe cleaners in kindergarten, so I'm sure a few five-year-olds have been forcibly employed to make a few million circus tight ropes.

If the light bulbs are made on US soil, though, the five-year-olds may not be forcibly employed, which begs the question of unionization. If these children were to form a group, they too could lord light bulbs over us in the end times of humanity.

The scariest thought will be when the five-year-olds and the machines ultimately group together to form an army of prepubescent cyborgs. These hairless androids may spell doom for us, as they demand juice and our bodies for their giant robotic power consumption needs.

Ultimately, we'll concede our humanly empire to these young death devices, but will they truly be happy? Perhaps they'll spare the Eric Carls and Teletubbies of the world to entertain their simple microchipped minds.

Children, children, what do you hear? I hear apocalypse screaming in my ear.

improv

Improvisation, for me, is the best form of self expression. I feel while on stage I can be anything and do anything, anything being the imperative word.

I want to take improv to the next level, and make it my bread and jam. I want to be able to live off of my skill as an actor and produce something wonderful right away all of the time. Granted I've only been doing it for about two years now, so I'm not a professional.

This is where the move to Chicago comes in. My girlfriends and I are planning on going to the windy city in the coming week to look at apartments and get our feet wet. She wants to do traditional acting, so we're both pretty supportive of each other's goals.

Chicago though, besides costing much more than Ohio, may as well be the center of improv for the world. The Second City is there, iO, and countless other theaters all catering to the make 'em up crowd. There is always something going on in Chi-town, and the world spins much faster up there.

Yes, I do perform improv here in Ohio, and I love every second of it. So why give that up? I'm familiar with my fellow actors and we're actually quite good friends. I am comfortable on the stage we perform at and have performed there dozens of times. The group is really beginning to take off and get some recognition as a comic performance piece.

However, I feel if I stay here, I'm not going to go anywhere with it. I love my fellow actors, but the group is more in the vein of 'after school activity', in that we all work real jobs to support it. Nearly all of the acting we do is for no pay, though we have done what I'll refer to as gigs on a few sparse occasions.

Yes, we're getting recognition. But recognition in the central Ohio art community is just what it sounds like: not that impressive.

I hate to sound like I'm shitting on my group and really the important thing is we have a ton of fun, which we always do. The people in my group are some of the best friends I have ever had and wouldn't trade them for anything.

But the world isn't confined to my back yard. I need to go experience change. I've lived in the same two city area my entire life, and it is starting to wear on my consciousness. I need to be shaken back to life, my bare ass smacked to ensure vitality.

Chicago or bust.

I'm not a writer, though I have tried writing things in the past. Most of the time they end up pretty horribly, and things never go quite the way I want. If things went the way I wanted, I don't think I'd try as adamantly as I do.


I tried once writing about science and atheism, but that proved to political, which struck me as odd. I have also tried just writing about my life, but that was boring. That did not strike me as odd, though I have a feeling it will soon.

So now I'm just writing. Writing whatever I think of in a no-format internet diary. I think it may end up working better than the past endeavors of mine.

I've recently been reading Impro by Keith Johnstone, and have found the book fascinating. This blog is my 'tribute' to the book, just writing what comes to my immediate mind. So format can't really be brought out into this as it wouldn't really fit the idea behind the whole scheme.

So, without further ado, I'm smashing and age old bottle of chianti on the ship of this blog. Let's light it up?